Shhhhh

Now, I've gone and done it, loose cannon

snapped went haywire went nuts went fire

and blew the compressed suppressed repressed

love fear desire hope truth dream devotion

right where I shouldn't have, right at

nothing

the abyss so patiently waits for me to

forget my name again, forget that NEVER

is my name

and that LOVE is the question asked upon my birth

as my mother uttered the word NEVER

airborne cycle of heat turns sour and black

a dense recollection that we never get away

we stretch and run and pull apart at the seams

but always we find ourselves back where

we started

in the womb and nameless, waiting to be told

how life will occur, how it will taste and feel

what dreams will suffer and what nightmares

will flourish

this is the woman who would cut off her own

hand if it hurt you, her own eyes if they betrayed you,

her own tongue if it lied to you, and yet

you are my hands and eyes and tongue

it occurs to me as usual that to love you

is to love me, but to love me is to fight forever

this war

with at least two sides, each hegemonic in girth

but battling for the angle of world domination

I find that loving you as usual means to

reject my own name

to remove my face and become a blanket of white

expressionless

ready to accept that I'm blind, mute, dumb

my concept of reality and dreams already too jaded

too insufficient to know anything

to have any idea how to be what you need

how to touch you without

scratching

"gentle" would be the word

but NEVER is my name

so I can only tell you one thing now:

if I could erase all of that

name, face, history, beliefs

and retrace back to the fundamental origin

of universal naivety

and grace

for you

I would